MALESHENKOS ADVENTURE
by StrelnikovsRC
Summary: COMRADE MALESHENKO IS GOOD SOLDIER AND A GOOD DRINKER BUT WHEN HE GETS TELEPORTED TO NEW WORLD WILL HE SURVIVE?...YES WARNING CONTAINS SLAV NO GOPNIKS
1. A FUCKING GOPNIK

**HELLO READER MY NAME IS STREL AND I MAKE EXCELLENT STORY. THAT IS ALL**

BEEP BEEP BEEP GOES MY ALARM CLOCK VERY LOUD NOT PLEASANT BUT ME COMRADE MALESHENKO WAS ALREADY UP AND READY FOOR DAY OF MILITARY DRILLS. YOU SEE ME MALESHENKO AM VERY GOOD AT PLEASING CO SO I GET MORE VODKA AND POTATOES FOR RATIONS. SO IS PLUS. SO I GO TO TRAINING GROUND BUT I WAS OF SURPRISED TO FIND OUT THAT THERE WERE NO DRILLS TODAY BECAUSE I HAD FORGOTTEN IT WAS CHRISTMAS TODAY SO OTHER COMRADES WERE ON WEEKEND. BUT ME MALESHENKO HAD FORGOTTEN BUT SINCE CHRISTMAS I DRINK. BUT I MAY HAVE DRANK TO MUCH...BEFORE I KNOW IT I AM DROPPING OUT OF SKY.

AGHHHH CHORT I SAID IN PAIN AS I HIT VERY HARD DIRT NOT GOOD PLEASENT FEELING WERE HAD. AFTER GETTING BEARINGS I FOUND I AM NOT IN MOTHERLAND ANYMORE. I KNEW THAT FOR SURE BECAUSE THERE WAS SMALL HORSE THING.

 **WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN NEXT CHAPTER FIND OUT SOON...CYKAS**


	2. HORSE

**HELLO LOYAL FANS IS ME STREL HERE IS CHAPTER 2 HAVE FUN**

"OPA BLYAT MY HEAD" I EXCLAIMED AFTER GETTING UP OFF HARD GROUND I SAW I WASN'T IN THE MOTHERLAND ANYMORE. THEN I HEARD SMALL SCARED NOISE AND SAW SMALL HORSE THAT WAS YELLOW AND HAD WINGS. THIS LED ME TO THINK I WAS IN UKRAINE BACK WITH THE CHERNOBYL COSSACK TRIBE...GOOD MEN THOSE LADS! FROM THE LOOKS OF IT HORSE WAS SCARED, **GOOD.** HORSE KNOW SIGHT OF STRONG SLAV AND IS AFRAID LIKE SHOULD BE... AS I THOUGHT THAT I HEARD HORSE THEN SAY WORDS I WASN'T SURPRISED BECAUSE BACK IN CHERNOBYL LOTS OF ANIMALS SPEAK. BUT WHEN HORSE START TO CRY I GOT CONFUSED. IT THEN SAID SOMETHING IN DIRTY CAPITALIST LANGUAGE AND RAN OFF. I DID NOT REALLY OF CARE. AFTER IT LEFT I MOVE INTO FOREST NEARBY AND EVENTUALLY FIND PATH.

 _ **30 MINUTES LATER**_

AFTE R HALF HOUR I HEAR GROWL FROM TREELINE. I GET READY FISTS FOR FIGHT BUT THEN SUDDENLY LION DRAGON THING COME FROM WOODS TRYING TO STRIKE ON ME. BUT ME BEING THE AGILE BEAR I AM PUNCH PUSS IN FACE. PUNCH WAS SO HARD AND CAT WAS SUCH PUSS CAT FALL TO GROUND DEAD LIKE THE FUCKING GOPNIK IT IS. I THEN SPIT ON DEAD BODY AND SQUAT NEAR IT AND TAKE OUT FLASK OF VODKA AND DRINK IN VICTORY. THEN I SET OFF ON PATH READY FOR NEXT FIGHT.

 **END OF CHAPTER TWO**


	3. DARKNESS

HELLO MY PRETTIES IT IS ME STREL! YES I AM NOT DEAD...I THINK 

ME MALESHENKO WALK ON BEATEN PATH FOR A WHILE AFTER FIGHT, IT REMINDED ME OF VILLAGE PATH OF MALESHENKOS ORIGIN BEFORE I JOINED THE ARMY. BEFORE I COULD GET SAD AT OLD MEMORIES I SAW DARKNESS COMING OVER THE HORIZON. MALESHENKO WASNT AFRAID FOR WHEN HE WAS CHILD HE USED TO GO OUT IN WOODS IN DARKNESS TO CHALLENGE WOLVES TO FIST MATCH. HE HAD ALMOST ALWAYS WON. ALMOST ALWAYS! BUT BACK TO TASK AT HAND, THE DARKNESS WAS COMING AND EVEN THOUGH HE HAD EXPERIENCE IN DARK HE WASNT EXACTLY OWL, HOOT HOOT.

10 MINUTES OF WALKING LATER 

*CRUNCH* AGHH FUCKING CHORT! THE MOTHERLANDS ONLY WEAKNESS (BESIDES WELL MADE DIVISIONS OF GERMAN TANKS) HOLES! OH! OH NO, SHIT FUCK UHHH...OH LENIN ITS EVERYWHERE, IT TURNES OUT THAT CRUNCH WASNT SOME STICKS...I THINK WAS ANIMAL OR SOMETHING, OH WELL NO USE CRY OVER DEAD ANIMAL THING! SO MALESHENKO GET OUT OF HOLE BUT PROBLEM STILL THERE IS DARK CAN NOT SEE NO GOOD! SO MALESHENKO BLIND AND COVERED IN ANIMAL BLOOD AND LEAFS HE STUMBLED FORWARD INTO DARKNESS

TIMESKIP THAT ISNT WORTH MENTIONING THE TIME FORE 

AGH IM FUCKING HUNGRY AND I RAN OUT OF VODKA! BUT WHATS THIS? HA LIGHT! PRIPYAT? WAIT NO THAT IS VILLAGE NOT VACATION TOWN, VILLAGE LOOKED LIKE HOME BUT WAS DIFFERENT...MORE EMPTY AND NO BABUSHKA MAKING BUTCHERING FISH, AND NO MR KGB OFFICER VLASOV EXECUTING DISSENTERS TO THE PARTY AND UNION! HMM I SMELL DELISH AND WAS I RIGHT AN ENTIRE EMPTY FOOD STALL, BREAD, BEATS, AND DO MY EYES PULL TRICKS? POTATOES! HAHA FEAST FIT FOR TSAR, HMM NO RUBLES... EY UNCLE MIKHAIL SAY IF NO ONE AROUND KGB WONT KNOW! SO I INHALE FOOD WHOLE IN SECONDS WAS GOOD! BUT I DO FEEL WORRY FOR NO SIGHN OF LIFE! ITS ALMOST LIKE THEY ARE AVOIDING M-*BOOM*! SLEEP

AND END OF CHAPTER SO YOU FANS LATES


End file.
